Rachel in March

by cecimadden

Rachel honey, your communication skills have developed to the point that finally it’s unquestionable: you do not always want to listen to what I have to say.  And maybe that’s why I write you these letters. Because some day down the road you and I will be at an impasse.  You’ll feel like I don’t understand you; I’ll feel like I don’t know you, and in the midst of those hurt feelings maybe you will look back on these letters.  Maybe they’ll shed some light for you on just how much I try to understand you, to notice all the beautiful, impressive things about you.  Maybe you’ll burn them to bits.  (And that’s ok.  I’m keeping an electronic copy.)  Maybe someday you’ll be where I am now, just learning a little girl of your own.  Maybe I’ll look back on these letters and weep as I reminisce.  Maybe you’ll move very far away and I’ll want to remember what it was like when you were close.  I’ll keep writing to you, just the same, and I hope you’ll write me back.  Maybe if we’re at an impasse it will help.

We’ve been reading Cinderella a lot these days.  I think Heather introduced it to you and I love that.  My sisters and I adored Cinderella.  We had a tape and/or a movie of the story- something makes me remember so clearly the voices of all the characters.  I read the book to you over and over and it’s just so unlikely and so romantic and very much not how the world works in real life.  Still somehow we can’t get enough of it.  If you want to know how I really feel about it, I’ll also say it’s awfully materialistic, essentially about a girl who wants to climb the social ladder.  For now I’ll spare you my thoughts on social mobility and self improvement and blah blah blah. 

In spite of all that, isn’t the story still irresistible?  I try to figure out why and I come back to how Cinderella is just a girl with a dream.  Then I look at you, nestled under my wing, eyes fixed on the page, and I wonder what dreams you’ll have for yourself.  I wonder if they’ll ever come true.  If I could wave a magic wand, they certainly would.